You Can't Build Your Future Self Out Of False Hopes And Expectations

You’ve probably been let down far too many times to count. You’ve probably bet on something turning out exactly the way you envisioned it, but it never did. And you’ve probably looked up to people who are “successful” and tried to copy their habits in hopes of being like them while overdosing on positive affirmations because you’ve heard that if you’re too negative, you’re inevitably setting yourself up for failure and dooming yourself to a mediocre life. 

But guess what? You’re still not where you want to be. No, not even close.

You’re chasing dreams, but you’re still in a reality that you can’t change. You’re fighting back against the fears that keep you controlled, but you’re still losing. You’re running towards something, but it keeps growing further away from you.

It’s easy to blame everything on bad habits, distractions, and those annoying emergencies that get in the way. It’s easy to blame society for its unrealistic expectations, but the truth is, it’s impossible to become a carbon copy of someone you admire the most, no matter how much you want to be like them and have their success story be yours.

Everyone wants something. But not everyone can get what they want. And not all wants are for everyone.

You can be the most disciplined, hardworking, and authentic person in the world, but you can still fail to get what you want. You can follow all of the rules of the great philosophers and lifestyle gurus in the world and not even reach their level of success, wisdom, or productivity.

You can’t count on good habits and your ability to remain consistent for every single day of the year. You’re human, not a high-powered productivity machine that operates all day and night. You give into temptations, you become fatigued, you burn out, your greatest efforts don’t get you anywhere, and sometimes, you even feel like dying. Life gets in the way and you may disappear for days because you’re too sick, sad, or traumatized to function at your peak. You can’t expect your self-sabotaging ways to disappear just by waking up at 5 AM, drinking green juice, meditating like a Tibetan monk, generating a six-figure side hustle, and bullet journaling your entire life down to the last dot.

You look at someone’s life and believe that if yours is somewhat similar to that, you can finally call yourself “successful.”  

There are many nuances to life that can never be broken down into something you understand. There are so many uncertainties that you cannot possibly predict because as much as you think you know the future based on several people’s life trajectories and success formulas, you can’t fully know your own. There are too many variables that come into play, and you can’t count on anything.

You can’t count on yourself. Not even your future self.

But why?

You see, you might have this idea in your head about how your future self will turn out. But the problem is, it’s not your actual future self. It’s only an idea of who you’d like to be based on a combination of what other people are and what you hope you’d become.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with identifying who you’d like to be and what kinds of qualities you’d like to hone in on, but you really have no final say in how your future self will turn out. 

Your future self is only an idea formed by a mind that’s not always consistent and sometimes too attached to the expectation of who you’d like to be. Your future self is an ideal version of yourself with traits from other people. Your future self is most likely a superhuman that cannot possibly exist because you’re more ordinary and fallible than you realize. If you aren't a rare talent now, you probably are highly unlikely to become that in the future. And that's okay.

It's okay if you're not always happy with yourself, but it's not okay to put all of your hopes into the future if you are deliberately half-assing the present. It's okay if you want your future self to be better than who you are now, but it's not okay to count on your future self to turn out exactly like a combination of several highly successful people.

Life is full of uncertainty, and attachment to the grand idea of your future self is causing you to avoid your life. It’s holding you too high above the ground, keeping you temporarily safe from falling down. Safe in your dreamy bubble as a character you want to be, yet frozen in mid-air. 

But to begin anything (even when you can't predict the end in sight), you’re going to have to hit the ground. Walk, run, but never stop.

On Being An Indigo Child

When I first came across the idea of being an indigo child, I was fascinated by this and began to identify myself as one the more I read about the signs of being one.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, here are a few articles to enlighten you on the subject:

17 Signs You’re What’s Known As An ‘Indigo Child’

20 Reasons Why Indigo Children Feel Most Lost By Their Early 20s

8 Common Struggles Of Indigo Children

6 Things You’ll Only Understand If You’re What’s Known As An ‘Indigo Child’

Throughout my childhood, I was always the child who got “lost in her own little world” because I was highly reserved, more observant of other people’s core motivations than anyone knew, and desirous of expanding my understanding of how the world worked from a very unconventional and more profound perspective that isn’t conditioned by popular opinion or education.

As I got older, the signs became clearer to me. I didn’t fit in or share others’ complacent consumerist-driven views, I sought fulfillment over ego-driven accomplishments, I became fascinated with personality theories and being considered as part of a rare 1% of the population, I was too busy burying my nose in dystopian and post-apocalyptic fiction novels and anything that dealt with skepticism of the status quo, I wrote a lot about my personal struggles in a vulnerable way, I kept notebooks of lyrics that deeply resonated with me (especially songs about transcendence and simplicity), and I felt incredibly dissatisfied with resigning the rest of my life to working at a typical cutthroat place that crushed the human spirit and didn’t value who I was.

I struggled and felt lost. I felt like giving up. I made mistakes and experienced setbacks because I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I doubted who I was and who I could become in the future, but that’s because I thought I had to give up my inner self to meet the demands of a cruel and callous world. I was accused of being too sensitive and soft for survival. I wasn’t tough enough, I wasn’t competitive enough, and I wasn’t “smart enough.”

However, those were all lies and doubts that were to be expected when experiencing life as an indigo child. I didn’t need to torture myself or prevent myself from expressing genuine thoughts that were significant to me and others who experienced the same struggles. And the point of being an indigo child isn’t to give up or conform to the world, it’s to use your strong intuition, empathy, visionary mindset, and artistic abilities to help build a new world that puts fulfillment over greed, actualization over survival-of-the-fittest, and creativity over callousness. Though this presents a whole slew of seemingly unsurmountable challenges, indigo children are determined to push past harsh judgments from others in order to create something that no one had the foresight to envision. They aren’t in denial that the world is dying. They don’t expect to heal it or even be grand heroes, but rather, they want to pursue what they’re good at, refuse to participate in the rat-race for any longer than necessary, use their ingenuity to outsmart the powerful ones who seek to pit people against themselves, and build a beautiful life they love with the abilities they already have.

10 Incredibly Important Life Skills I Learned From Working At A Math Learning Center

For a significant part of my life, I worked at math-only learning center.

As a millennial, I know how competitive the job market is. And I know what it’s like to apply to 50 entry-level office jobs in a day on Indeed and not hear back from a single one. After graduating with a degree in Mathematics in 2016, I wasn’t sure how to put my education to good use. I wasn’t sure if I was competitive enough to work in finance, engineering, statistics, or information technology - and time has proven that deep down in my heart, I’ve shut the doors to those fields long ago (in high school, I thought about being a writer, but I didn’t think it was possible to step outside of the hobbyist stage, so I majored in something that others thought was more practical) and only realized it after completing my degree in a STEM field.

So naturally, I did something that didn’t seem like it was out of my reach in terms of skills, experience, and education - I applied to be an instructor at Mathnasium! All I wanted was some work experience and a way to help others. And I loved algebra and trigonometry so much that I couldn’t wait to review all those topics and share my enthusiasm with students who didn’t know their full potential and needed someone supportive to guide them through challenging problems.

I’ve found that despite being more reserved and quieter than other instructors (I’m definitely not the outgoing or bubbly type), I really enjoyed working with students, getting to understand how they think, and providing them with the skills they need to be more confident in their abilities to tackle math in school. It was an incredibly rewarding experience that wasn’t like anything else.

Here are 10 incredibly important things I’ve learned from working at Mathnasium:

  1. Time management

    The Mathnasium Way: How to manage my time effectively under time constraints and still provide quality instruction

    People are under the impression that tutoring is an “easy” job, but that’s not exactly true. I worked at the largest tutoring center in the state, and I can say for sure that I definitely felt challenged. I usually found myself working with seven or more students at a time, especially with middle and high school students who have more complicated problems, homework assignments, and even lengthy projects that they wanted me to go over with them. So I had to learn how to manage my time really, really well. I learned how to tell when students needed to be asked just a simple question to help them figure out how to solve a problem on their own or if they required an extensive explanation (a walkthrough of steps that they probably never learned in school). On top of that, I also needed to monitor when students arrived, how much time they had left for their sessions, and when they needed to switch to homework. In the beginning, I had a lot to grapple with, but I’ve found that I improved a lot on time management the more I got used to working with more students (I even had a day when I worked with 12 students at a time).

  2. Situational awareness

    The Mathnasium Way: Keeping track of students, what they’re working on, who needed help, and generally, how they were feeling about their learning session

    Teaching at Mathnasium wasn’t like having one small class. I typically worked with eight students at a time, so it was more like having eight classes of one because they all were working on something different based on what kinds of math skills they needed most improvement on. I needed to be aware of times when I saw a student struggling or getting stuck on a page for an unreasonable amount of time, when to step in, and how I could best help them based on their current understanding of the topic. I had to keep track of when students felt disengaged and find a way to present the problem in a different light so that they can be more motivated to complete their assignment.

  3. Flexibility

    The Mathnasium Way: Switching gears in my brain by switching back and forth between multiple topics in math (due to each student at a table having customized learning plans)

    Because each student had a customized learning plan and a whole binder full of worksheets, I’ve learned how to switch gears very quickly. One student might be working on the law of sines and another student might be working on triangle proportions and then another student might be working on the quadratic formula and another student might be doing SAT practice. Every time I transitioned from working with one student to another, my mind had to switch to a new topic at the snap of two fingers. It was overwhelming at times, but I’ve gotten used to switching back and forth between hundreds of different types of math problems, so it really helped me build a quick mind and strengthen my ability to solve a variety of different problems at a rapid pace.

  4. Teamwork

    The Mathnasium Way: Working cooperatively with other instructors, helping them out when necessary, and learning from them as well

    I’ve learned about the importance of teamwork. Sometimes, when the tutoring center got too crowded (100+ students during the busiest hours), instructors had to work together to accommodate every student so that no one fell behind and that students were getting the help they needed. This meant I had to help out with check-ins whenever some other instructor was busy with explaining something to another student, and sometimes I’ve had to receive help as well. There were also times when another instructor needed help on a problem and a better explanation/perspective, so I was able to step in and provide that.

  5. Receiving constructive criticism

    The Mathnasium Way: Receiving feedback and learning about ways I can become a better instructor through meetings with the center director

    Taking constructive criticism and applying it was an incredibly essential life skill I picked up. There would be meetings with the center director every six months and we would go over what I was doing well, what I needed to improve on, and how to be more aware of the company’s objectives. As someone who self-deprecates a lot and thinks I’m worse than I am, I’ve learned that the center director saw me as a valuable part of the team and showed positive reinforcement.

  6. Self-Improvement

    The Mathnasium Way: How to improve myself and reach goals - provide quality instruction, help students improve and have fun, maintain safety of the facility, and meet certain requirements for using teaching strategies as outlined in the training binder

    This took a lot of self-awareness and deep reflection regarding what I could be doing better to align with the company’s mission. There was much to be done on any given day and prioritizing was definitely something I picked up while instructing students, doing what the lead instructor told me to do, and ensuring that students felt safe, welcomed, and relaxed.

  7. Empathy

    The Mathnasium Way: Connecting with and showing empathy for students

    As an introvert, I got to step out of my comfort zone a bit. As I became one of the designated instructors for upper-level math (Algebra 1 and up), I bonded with these students, empathized with their struggles, and soon became a favorite instructor of theirs (a lot of the time, students would request me to be there instead of some other instructor, which definitely made me feel valued and loved). Whenever I doubted my abilities to connect with students, they affirmed that I was doing a great job in not only explaining math, but also in showing understanding and compassion. This was one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever experienced.

  8. Impact

    The Mathnasium Way: Understanding that I have made an impact in students’ math learning experience more than I realized

    I was told that I did make a difference in enriching students’ education and that my teaching style combined with the Mathnasium strategies definitely improved the way students felt about math. I did more than just make math easier for students, I did it in a way that no future instructor would be able to replicate.

  9. Strategic communication

    The Mathnasium Way: Providing succinct explanations, understanding how to frame questions so that students think about what they already know, and using visual representations when necessary

    I was able to apply my knowledge of various topics and understand which strategies were the most effective and simplest to communicate. I also learned that drawings and diagrams were extremely useful, and they helped students think outside of the box with similar problems.

  10. Quantitative life skills

    The Mathnasium Way: Clever tricks to do calculations mentally in practical, everyday situations that require math

    Using number sense, I found more effective strategies to solve percents, calculate sales taxes and discounts, find volume and area, and generally be aware of when I can apply math to everyday life in ways I never thought of before.

What Does It Mean To Be A Polymath?

Ever since I was a child, I've always been someone with too many interests and performed well in most subjects around the same level (but with English and Math at the very top). I enjoyed reading fictional stories from a wide range of genres and then that love for fiction eventually grew into a love for exploring a variety of topics in literature, music theory, music history, business, entrepreneurship, physics, mathematics, economics, technology, philosophy, spirituality, art, and the interconnection of these things that have the potential to form the foundation of a more ideal future, or at least a better tomorrow than today.

I started reading a few articles on being a modern-day polymath and began to wonder if I am one too.

What causes me to consider myself a polymath?

  1. My interests include writing, literature, poetry, songwriting, music, graphic design, visual arts, web design, digital entrepreneurship, spiritual prophecies, religion, history from alternative perspectives, mathematics, simple philosophy, human behavior, and the general idea of what technology will be like in the future (but I am certainly no engineer or research scientist).

  2. As a blogger, I love to write, but I have an artistic and mathematical approach to things. I pay close attention to detail, yet I view things also from a bird's eye view. I like being equally logical as I am creative.

What are the reasons why I might not be a polymath?

  1. There's too much I don't know.

  2. I do not have enough in-depth or sophisticated knowledge about everything.

  3. I haven't made any groundbreaking discoveries or done extensive research that would revolutionize some aspect of the way humanity evolves and thrives.

  4. I am just a girl with too many interests and nothing substantial to support them (too much breadth and lack of depth).

Types of Polymaths

There are genius polymaths (who are at the pinnacle of society that either have made history or have the potential to make history), expert polymaths (who are currently tackling significant projects with extensive research and are renowned experts in three to five fields), apprentice polymaths (those who have a high level of expertise and have more in-depth knowledge than baby polymaths), basic polymaths (those who are talented in and are interested in five or more things and have the ability to synthesize topics from diverse fields), and people who aren't polymaths at all. If you're well-rounded and have the capacity to learn and apply what you have learned to a personal endeavor (regardless of whether it's well-known or not), then you are a polymath.

What are the minimum qualifications for a basic polymath?

  1. Know about or at least have the natural curiosity to learn about a variety of topics.

  2. Be able to connect seemingly unrelated topics, synthesize points from a variety of fields to form a very compelling argument, and be able to discern the essentials from the extraneous in order to present complex pieces of information and profound ideas in a simple and understandable way.

  3. You need to be good at math (side note: I've seen writers and philosophical bloggers that claim to be polymaths, yet they show no evidence of being good at math or science at all and in fact can only recite historical facts about scientists but cannot solve a math problem or apply any math to their lives). *Fun fact - I actually majored in Math, so I am wary of those who claim to be polymaths when they are only good at communicating.

  4. You need to be a good writer. It doesn't mean you're a popular blogger or famous published writer, but you do have to love writing, be above average, and be able to form your own thoughts and think analytically, yet also do so with style and a distinct writing voice.

  5. You need to have talent in at least one art form (but preferably two or more), be it playing a musical instrument, composing, writing songs, singing, theater, drawing, digital art, filmography, videography, or poetry.

  6. Understand human nature from a perspective that isn't conditioned by popular opinion. Be able to analyze others, predict patterns in behaviors and ways of thinking based on a few cues, understand where they're coming from, and identify core motivations.

  7. You need to be very introspective and self-aware. Even when you overthink yourself and tend to ruminate over what you did, it's far better to be like that than to be oblivious to your own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

  8. Have an interest in spirituality, religion, and philosophy. And know a lot about at least two to three spiritual forms, religions, and philosophies.

  9. Understand economics and marketing and be able to avoid being swayed by people that manipulate you for money (or in some other cases, sinister purposes). You are a conscious consumer and a very wary one too.

  10. Have a desire to evolve and thrive, not just survive as a mundane, socially-conditioned consumer that only thinks about jobs, money, being included in a social circle, and material gain.

  11. Your political views are not narrowly defined by either the Democrats or Republicans. You do not enthusiastically rally for either side, nor do you engage in mass hysteria or anger-fueled, emotion-based arguments. Your political view is generally a synthesis of a variety of political systems throughout history and with reasons to back up your argument on why you think a certain system is more effective and/or ideal.

So are you a polymath?

 

Inauthenticity In Social Media, An Alternate Approach To Selling, And Clarifying My Goals As A New Blogger

Generic (Oversimplified) Marketing Formula

Focusing on growth is the goal of marketing and social media serves as a means to an end and that end is profit. At least to most companies, more followers = more potential customers = more profit.

Mathematically, this makes sense. After all, the more followers you gain as a result of social media marketing efforts, the more potential customers you have, and the higher the chances will be for them to pay for your services and/or products.

As A Struggling Teen Novelist

However, for me, as an individual, I’ve been struggling for years to gain followers authentically and keep them engaged with my content.

When I was 19, I wrote my first novel under a pen name and made a Twitter account solely for gaining potential customers and Instagram wasn’t really huge back then.

I didn’t know any better. I looked at the fanbases of my most favorite authors who wrote the same genre of books and followed a bunch of random people, in hopes that they’d follow me back.

I gained close to 1,000 followers, but that didn’t mean my book sold well (most of the money I made were from family members who bought a copy but weren’t big readers).

I know why I failed. A) my book simply wasn’t good and B) I didn’t have an effective marketing strategy.

My (Sorry) Attempt At Blogging

I started a blog on WordPress after a very dark time in my life (too personal). I blogged whenever I felt like it and churned out so many words each day, so much that I gained 100+ followers very quickly because I wrote about a variety of topics and didn’t really focus much on niche topics. All I did was write random autobiographical posts and somehow they struck a chord with people. I didn’t even make any social media accounts whatsoever.

Starting All Over Again

Today, as a digitally-obsessed, entrepreneurial-minded writer, I’m starting from scratch. I no longer recycle content from five years ago because it’s no longer relevant to me. Even though it’s 2018, and I’ve had an officially late entrance to the blogging world, I know that my experiences of trial-and-error as a nerdy girl just exploring various topics of interest have somehow paid off, and I’ve evolved much more than I give myself credit for.

I’ve customized my own website that reflects who I am as a digital creative (minimalist, pragmatic, detail-oriented, big-picture-oriented). I’ve created a theme for my Instagram account to ensure that there’s consistency with my personal brand. I focus on a few niche topics (minimalism, mental health, digital creativity, entrepreneurship) that intersect and show who I am as a writer in the digital sphere.

However, even after poring over hundreds of articles and blog posts about digital content marketing, I’m still uneasy about social media aspect of it.

I suck at growing a significant number of followers.

On Instagram, I usually gain 1–3 followers a day and lose 3–5 a day (mainly because of spam accounts).

On Twitter, I am still stagnant around 10 followers.

Only 6 people like my Facebook page.

I try to reassure myself that I’ve only had my Instagram and Twitter for about a week and that growth takes time, especially if it’s genuine.

A lot of bloggers recommend following a bunch of people with similar interests.

But I refuse to play the “If you follow me, I’ll follow you, and if I follow you, I want you to follow me” game. It feels sleazy. It makes me sick. And it’s like usury.

Most of all, it’s inauthentic.

I don’t expect much from Twitter because personally, it’s my least favorite social media, but I’ve read somewhere that it’s very vital for any online writing business. So I keep it just so I can have a place to share succinct updates.

I also don’t expect much from Facebook either.

However, my main focus is on Instagram. Within three days of reactivating my old Instagram account, I have gained roughly 40+ followers, which is pretty impressive, given how un-Instagram-savvy I am and how much other people seem to grow in the thousands overnight.

I don’t want to like posts or follow people if I’m not genuinely interested in their content.

I don’t want to pretend to be best buddies with people I can’t relate to.

That’s just me. I think people put too much emphasis on gaining followers, as if gaining them is like gaining money. It’s just using people for the money they give.

Right now, I’m focusing more on creating content and exploring a variety of topics that I haven’t discussed on blogs before and would like to expand my knowledge just for pure enjoyment. I think too much of the blogging world has morphed into a monstrous capitalist machine in which bloggers lie to their followers and scam them by promoting products that most people don’t need, placating them with empty feel-good words that have been circulating around the Internet too much, and posting photos that damage the self-esteem of aspiring bloggers who think they’re destined to fail because they aren’t photogenic or can’t afford to customize their home décor with a style that’s fitting only for catalogs and not for real life.

Maybe I’m just cynical. But I’ve lost interest in many bloggers and social media marketers because their ultimate goal is to sell a lifestyle and make money off of people that are easily influenced by them, those who are deep down, unsatisfied with their life and want to find an easier way to “follow their dreams.” 

This doesn’t upset me. In fact, it encourages me as a digital creative to work harder, create more original content, express thoughts from a variety of different angles, learn and share my thoughts on things out of curiosity not just for profit, exemplify modern minimalism at its most unembellished and unfiltered state, and do all of this from an exploratory mindset.

I won’t churn out cheaply designed and poorly-researched manuals about how to make money from blogging.

I won’t have every other blog post talk about formulaic steps about achieving your dream life.

I also won’t make scammy online courses about how to make money blogging or encourage students to make their own scammy online courses about how to make money blogging (and then have the cycle metastasize throughout the already-cancerous web).

I won’t post envy-inducing photos on Instagram.

I have very high expectations for myself as a blogger and want to adhere to the rules I set for myself in all that I do.

  1. Write interesting content in a clear, thought-provoking, and engaging manner.

  2. Create an ingenious writing system that ensures that takes into account my curiosity, desire to learn, and determination to evolve in the process.

  3. Establish myself as someone who’s trustworthy, genuine, and passionate about sharing thoughtful expressions with purposeful meaning.

  4. Have everything (including seemingly unrelated topics) connect to form a digital mosaic of who I am as an artist, thinker, and creator of my own digital space.

Concluding Thoughts

In order to succeed in an overcrowded sphere, you must break a few rules and have a clear strategy with realistic end goals that would enable you to maximize your creative energy, present ideas in a way that captivates people who genuinely view you as a revolutionary thought leader (and not just a scammy salesperson), and pursue anything creative online with a combination of passion, grit, and unique individuality, which all need to be grounded in a concrete purpose. The numbers are irrelevant — what matters most is connecting with people that actually want to buy your content because they are captivated by the infectious energy and livelihood of your persona and the things you create that add genuine value to their lives.

A Disconnect

The more I exert my willpower, the greater the unrest churns and swirls within me, until I become the storm myself. I am faced with great resistance and forces of paralysis. I find myself growing impatient as the timing imposed upon me squeezes me to the bone. 

My heart lashes out, but I squeeze my hands together, and my body merely goes rigid, and my usual reserved face deepens into a frown. I grow still and my mind is at war. 

I have to come to terms with the expectations I have for myself and the expectations of the should’s and must have’s set by society and people that aren’t satisfied with what I do.  

But I myself am quite uncertain about who I am. 

I think the most continuous problem is my feeling of inadequacy in comparison to others who are mature, outwardly successful, and mentally stable enough to soldier through intense competition for the coveted spots of superiority. 

But I’m everything they’re not. And they’re everything I’m not. 

I get stifled and my spirit breaks under survivalist, ego-based competition. I drown in my seas of sensitivity and cannot fathom how callous the world can be. I do not want to live a life pitted against others for survival and earning acceptance by those in control. That way of life was imposed on me, and I felt paralyzed by bottomless caverns of despair, loss of myself, and bleakness. 

What is the point if I will be forgotten in the end? 

I am a simple artist.  I prefer self-reflection over competition. I prefer honesty of emotions over fake happiness. And I most definitely prefer creating what I love over being used as a means to an end.

What if I wrote all that was in my heart and held nothing back and showed no shame? What if I rested and let all anxious feelings flee from me? What if I did things that came naturally, instead of forcing myself to do something for the sake of approval? 

I don’t know. I’m thinking too much about this. I tend to overthink everything. 

 I find a disconnect between who I was conditioned to be and who I really am. 

But it’s okay. I am who I am and just need to let go of what I think I should be.  

And just be.  

 

Five Reasons Why Introverted Empaths Need A Lot of Time Alone

1. Being around a lot of people for prolonged periods of time drains them of their energy. 

Since they are both introverts and empaths, they have a strong need to be alone so they can work on pursuits that are solely for themselves. If they spend too much time trying to meet the demands of so many others, they will reach the point where they will snap from anger and exhaustion because as introverts, their energy comes from being in tune with their inner selves and as empaths, absorbing the feelings and stress from other people robs them of their own energy. 

2. They need time to recalibrate themselves, and lack of alone time causes them to feel directionless.

Introverted empaths love their alone time and the feeling of rejuvenation that comes from re-organizing their lives down to the finest details, meditating, reflecting on their direction in life, and doing creative activities that energize them because when they are alone, they are able to be honest with themselves without fear of absorbing any negative energy from others or anything external swaying them away from their path.

3. They flourish best when they are in the comfort of their own room. 

Introverted empaths can be paradoxical in nature - they love being by themselves so much, yet they are finely attuned to the emotions and needs of others. They have a hard time saying no to requests because they believe that others would think that they are neglectful if they refuse to help out. However, doing too much of this drains them of their energy since they thrive when they act upon their internal energy rather than the external - they want to flourish on their own terms and not be weighed down by trying to appease everyone, which involves attending to even the most frivolous of things just to avoid the feeling of others complaining about them.

4. They will erupt if they feel stuck in a life that doesn't align with their nature.

Introverted empaths who are stuck in difficult circumstances often erupt or run away if they feel constrained by those around them, especially by those who don't leave them alone. If they are stuck in a life that pulls them down, they operate in fight-or-flight mode (this is why they erupt when they are in fight mode and why they run away when they are in flight mode). If their current circumstances do not allow any room for personal growth, they will remain unhappy rambling around like a helpless creature competing with others for survival and suffer from being treated poorly by those who dehumanize them (but those who mock them for not doing better in life are the major reason why they aren't growing - introverted empaths need time to be creative and find better ways to thrive, but they can't do this when someone is micromanaging them, being condescending, and demanding them to give up on their quest for fulfillment).

5. They need power, but not in a conventional sense.

They despise trading their time for money, their energy for others' approval, and their dreams for other people's control over them. They hate accommodating those that are only condescending towards them and always have something negative to say, especially about their vision for the pursuit of creative endeavors and personal growth. This is not to be confused with entitlement or wanting everything to go their way. Introverted empaths can be highly dedicated to their jobs because their intrinsic motivation pushes them to be better for the sake of the work itself, not for extrinsic rewards. Introverted empaths can be great parents and great caretakers. However, if they are expected to remain servile to those that belittle them and destructively criticize them, they will lash out and feel resentful for having their power taken away. 

My Blogging History: Intro

It might seem like I'm a new blogger, but I have been blogging on and off since 2012 on various platforms - I've tried Blogger, Tumblr, Wordpress.com, self-hosted Wordpress, and now Squarespace. 

I started my first Blogger blog back in 2012, and it was just a journal, online. I don't remember much about it because it was my first one and a lot of the posts were random, and I wrote whatever I felt like writing. I didn't write too much on that blog, since that year mainly revolved around finishing up senior year of high school, getting ready for college, and writing my first novel.

In 2014, I started a poetry blog on WordPress. I had no intention of growing a following, but I ended up with 65 followers within the first month, but shortly after, I stopped posting on there, and I honestly have no idea why I deleted it though.

In early 2015, I suffered from a major breakdown (that involved academics, family, personal identity crisis, etc.). I started one of my most "successful" blogs on WordPress.com, since it really was the first time I posted consistently and frequently for three months straight (and gained 120 followers in the process). I wrote about my darkest feelings, the most painful experiences, along with a few pieces of short fiction and poetry. However, I deleted this blog since at the end of June, I no longer felt that it was necessary to express myself in such a manner.

After college graduation, I decided to start another blog, this time with a self-hosted WordPress site. I blogged about minimalism, personal finance, and anything I've experienced, but this felt more like a chore, probably because my heart was set on gaining followers and producing content that was better than other bloggers', not for enjoyment's sake (plus, I got a lot of spam comments with a lot of empty flattery). All I did was focus on myself and how I was better than other people, and this was taking a toll on my mental health, so I deleted that blog and did not start a new one for a while.

Now, here we are. My blog of 2018. After a lot of self-reflection and honesty with myself, I decided to pursue blogging again, this time for a very simple reason - I enjoy it, I have a lot to share, and I think blogging without any expectations or external validations is a practice that allows me to process my thoughts, express them in a way that resonates, and clarify my purpose in life.